I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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