Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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