Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
