He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
