the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
