Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
