i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
