Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
