It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
