I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
