There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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