I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I need moral support for this bender
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
