I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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