Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
