Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
