I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
