Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You left your phone here
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