Umm I'm too high to move.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
