But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
