i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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