Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
