we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
