I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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