Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
