if i can run in heels then i can drive
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
