I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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