Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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