1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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