I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
