I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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