I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
