Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
