I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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