just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
