I'm going to rape someone's good day.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize