She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
