did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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