Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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