u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
