I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
