you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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