we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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