I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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