I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
