I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize