Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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