So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
