i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
