last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
