Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
