haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
