I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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