have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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