seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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